When you talk to some people and they talk about having hundreds of friends on Facebook or Instagram or Tic Tok. You find they do not know a tenth of them, but they still insist they have hundred of friends.
In the book “The Third Space” the author introduces us to Dunbar’s number. Dunbar was a British psychologist, it was Robert Dunbar and he tried to figure out how many friends most people had.

He estimated the following. You will have about 5 very close or best friends. Along with that you will have about 15 close or good friends. Last he said you will have about 150 meaningful social contacts.
The very close friends you will have are likely friendships you will have for life. The good friends are people you enjoy the same hobbies or activities. The outer circle is a group of acquaintances that is more fluid.
These people will move in and out of our outer circle in which the boundaries are fluid. He likens Third places to a garden, where the soil is cultivated, seeds are planted, friendships are nurtured and grow to maturity.
This is something that social media does not do. You don’t sit down and chew the fat with each other, you don’t reach a point that you accept them not only for their good traits but also their warts.
In Social media you just unfriend them if they offend you so you never really learn about their back story. Society has emphasized tolerance which is supposed to mean that people can each go their own way and agree not to harm one another with words or actions.
How about instead we show hospitality to others? The Bible talks about it all the time, welcoming strangers and those who are down on their luck. This means we have to have places set aside for play, gift giving, music, laughter, for listening and story telling.
We need places where we can share our humanity and explore each others vulnerability is a safe space. He concludes that humans are social animals who cannot find fulfilment solely in entertainment or work.
We need a third place(s) where we can develop friendships, broaden and deepen our own lives and those around us. It is in conversation that we find belonging.
If you have struggled with this question and others then go to Patterson2Y2R,com/blog should be a place you should visit to share your stories and challenges.
I have an ear that would love to hear your stories. Let’s taste the real meaning of life. I am still working on my course with the goal of launching a starter course, and I will keep you abreast as to how the process goes.
If you want to participate in this process and join my first class please send me an email to bobchuckpatterson@yahoo.com
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